Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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