Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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