He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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