God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was born a porn star she said
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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