this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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