did you get engaged???
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
