his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
