I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
