Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
vagina is talking i cant
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
