She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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