I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Where is the hickey?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
