Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
