I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
