He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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