just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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