I just pynch a tree in the face
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
