my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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