all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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