Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
