you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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