Say something about gay babies.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
