they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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