im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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