There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
