Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
