Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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