I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
