This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
