BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
