He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
