It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
