U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
