How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
