too bad you live with your parents still
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
