Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
