There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
