Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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