awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
