Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
