So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
