shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
