Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
