my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
