I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
