Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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