I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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