Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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