just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
