I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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