Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
