Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
