I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
