My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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