got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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