You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
