david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
