His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
