It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
