you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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