At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
