Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
