Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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