I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
