If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.